1. In South Africa, a bank put pepper spray in ATMs to prevent the machines from being robbed. However, they’ve been malfunctioning, leading to an increase in muggings while customers lie on the floor holding their eyes in agony.
2. The government says the average price of food has been dropping across the country. But much of that can be blamed on the collapsed real estate market and gingerbread houses.
3. A new study says having a lower IQ raises the risk of heart disease, which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
4. A man in New Hampshire paid for cigarettes with his credit card and discovered that he’d been charged $23 quadrillion dollars. Well, they say that cigarette smokers are going to help pay for healthcare. But imagine what he’s going to do now that he knows his card has that limit.
5. A Republican politician in Florida wants to start python hunts, because the non-native snakes are multiplying out of control. So to get a Republican to save the environment, it also has to somehow stop illegal immigration. But it’s dangerous to bring other species into the immigration issue, because a lot of American animals might have problems with us.
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