1. A group of scientists says that an artificial brain is 10 years away, devastating the family of Jessica Simpson.
2. The Taco Bell chihuahua died today at the age of 15. Which makes her the longest-ever survivor of eating Taco Bell.
3. A man from Long Island has been charged with attacking a military base in Afghanistan. American soldiers realized the man was from Long Island when after the attack, he mooned them, yelled “Wanna see a lunar eclipse?”, then pulled his pants back up.
4. The director of the Spider-Man movies has now agreed to film a movie based on the internet game World of Warcraft. After that, he plans a movie about asthma inhalers and virginity.
5. A company is looking for volunteers to test a swine flu vaccine. Imagine dying for that. That would be like dying to test a vaccine for earwax.
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