1. The city of New York is paying homeless people to move back to their hometowns rather than stay in shelters. You know, after losing my job and apartment, I’ve always wanted to move back home to… Cancun. One problem is that a similar program in Chicago keeps sending people to New York City. It’s kind of like homeless musical chairs.
2. A recent study says tanning beds are as dangerous as arsenic. I disagree. Have you ever tried to get a tanning bed into a cup of coffee? My boss caught on right away.
3. A housing company in Chicago is suing a former tenant for writing a Twitter tweet about mold in her apartment. The company says no mold was found anywhere in the apartment, and especially not on the dead bodies.
4. The new swine flu vaccine doesn’t use actual viruses, but swine flu proteins. Many volunteers to test the vaccine are pro athletes looking for even more ways to stuff protein into their bodies.
5. To mark the anniversary of the moon landing, a group in England sent a block of cheese into the upper atmosphere. It’s the greatest height reached by any cheese since the Space Shuttle brought a recording of Richard Simmons.
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