BEST OF THE WEEK

Did you hear about this woman driving a school bus in Michigan who was punched by one of her passengers? So that adds parole violations to the charges against Chris Brown.

The woman who swallowed her engagement ring in a milkshake has now passed the diamond out of her system. You know, Martha Stewart can do that too after swallowing lumps of coal. That’s how she paid her legal fees.

A man who lost his sight 30 years ago can now see flashes of light with a bionic eye. His wife said that “he can do a lot more now than he could before, like the washing.” Great, the one benefit from being blind, and it’s gone! So now he has all of the drawbacks, none of the benefits.

Michael Jackson has announced a series of comeback concerts. They’ll be his first concerts in 12 years. The reason for the concerts is that he realized his latest boyfriend wasn’t alive to see his last ones.

Alex Rodriguez will be out for 6-9 weeks because of hip surgery. He says the injury is not from taking steroids. In fact, it’s from tipping over… because his upper body was too heavy from steroid use.

Social networking websites like Facebook are now more popular than e-mail. Did you ever think you’d see the day when people would be nostalgic about the depth and eloquence of e-mail? “We used to write as many as six lines! Words were completely spelled out!”

The navy says that a Chinese ship harassed one of our ships yesterday. The Chinese ship followed closely, and the US ship sprayed the Chinese ship with water to drive it away. Then the sailors on the Chinese ship stripped to their underwear and kept following. This sounds like the start of a gay porn move. They weren’t harassing. They were flirting.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced that she and her Russian counterpart had agreed to develop a plan to reduce the two nations’ nuclear weapons. However, they didn’t announce any actual agreements. All they agreed was that they want to find agreements. But the agreement to find an agreements could not be agreed upon either, since they had no formal agreements, so they basically just kind of sniffed each other. Like bears.