1. A new survey says that many parents feel excluded by their teenage children when they ask about school. The survey said that this might be because they’re, um, teenagers! The survey also discovered that most teenagers are only 13 to 19 years old.
2. The CEO of JPMorgan said today: “When I hear the constant vilification of corporate America, I personally don’t understand it.” Actually, it’s, um, not a vilification of corporate America. It’s a vilification of YOU. You are not corporate America.
3. Did you hear about this guy in Oklahoma who was dying and confessed to a murder, but then recovered, and now is being charged with murder. This is why hypochondriacs should never have affairs. “Oh my god, I’m having a heart attack! Honey, I slept with your sister! Oh, wait. It’s just gas. What did I just say?”
4. Have you heard about this volcano in Alaska that’s about to erupt? So far, the main plan to stop it is to appease the volcano god by throwing in the entire staff of AIG.
5. Tiffany, the maker of fine jewelry, surprisingly made a profit last quarter. However, it’s mostly because more people are buying jewels after selling their other necklaces and bracelets to Cash For Gold.
No comments:
Post a Comment