1. Yesterday, NASA launched a spacecraft designed to find Earth-like planets orbiting other stars. It’s all part of Obama’s plan to find more affordable housing. Ship people off the planet!
2. Barack Obama will reverse a ban on stem cell research by the Bush administration. There are hopes that the research may finally lead to a world where desperate millionaire baseball players can grow muscle without having to use steroids.
3. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced that she and her Russian counterpart had agreed to develop a plan to reduce the two nations’ nuclear weapons. However, they didn’t announce any actual agreements. All they agreed was that they want to find agreements. But the agreement to find an agreements could not be agreed upon either, since they had no formal agreements, so they basically just kind of sniffed each other. Like bears.
4. Did you know that the University of Idaho’s sports teams are called the Vandals? What? I hear their big rivals are the Wyoming Junkies.
5. An artist in the Netherlands has set up a hotline for people to talk to God, but they have to leave a message because God doesn‘t answer. Isn’t that called praying?
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