1. Social networking websites like Facebook are now more popular than e-mail. Did you ever think you’d see the day when people would be nostalgic about the depth and eloquence of e-mail? “We used to write as many as six lines! Words were completely spelled out!”
2. The navy says that a Chinese ship harassed one of our ships yesterday. The Chinese ship followed closely, and the US ship sprayed the Chinese ship with water to drive it away. Then the sailors on the Chinese ship stripped to their underwear and kept following. This sounds like the start of a gay porn move. They weren’t harassing. They were flirting. It’s a fine line between stalking and flirting.
3. India’s exports have recently fallen, but that was just the cast of “Slumdog Millionaire” returning from the Oscars.
4. Did you hear that the chief coffee taster for a chain of coffeehouses has been insured for $14 million? It’s the largest insurance policy for a tongue since Gene Simmons of Kiss.
5. The giant drug companies Merck and Schering Plough will merge to form the largest drug company in the world: Scherck Plough. Schering Plough makes Dr. Scholl odor eaters and Coppertone suntan lotion. Merck is smart -- unemployed people can’t afford new shoes, they’re going to hang out in the sun a lot. These are growth industries.
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