1. Yesterday, Jessica Simpson was booed at a concert for forgetting the lyrics to some of her songs. That was surprising, because she’s usually booed for remembering them.
2. The Pope says that handing out condoms is not the answer to fight AIDS in Africa. He also said that he would like to wrap his arms around Africa. Is this why he doesn’t want them using condoms? The Pope wants to ride Africa bareback.
3. Financial analysts are happy today, because the rate of new homes being built rose by almost a quarter in February. A lot of the rise was because more apartments are being built. Yeah, you want to know why more apartments are being built. Because so many people have lost their houses! This is not a good sign.
4. A new study says that ultraviolet lights can significantly reduce tuberculosis infections. Yeah, that’s why you don’t see many TB patients who smoke pot. Millions of teenagers are telling parents that their blacklights are just for better health.
5. Scientists have found an ancient reptile whose bite could apparently destroy a Hummer. It’s already being adopted as a mascot by Greenpeace.
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