A Palestinian restaurant owner has put his menu on the security barrier between Israel and the Palestinian territories. Now, I don’t know about you, but I think if someone is spray-painting a menu on the ‘security barrier’, maybe it’s not much of a security barrier. If the night watchman at my building is on the sidewalk wearing a sandwich board -- maybe it’s time to upgrade the security.
At first, Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson didn’t want to cut the giant bonuses of executives at bailed-out banks, because he thought the executives wouldn’t agree. And this is a problem because…? Are they three-year-olds? What, do they need a spanking?
You may have heard that the U.S. Navy has surrounded a large group of pirates holding hostages and demanding an enormous ransom. And the Navy says that it is not afraid to fire at Wall Street. However, the pirates may let us all go for less than the $700 billion they’ve been asking for.
Some scientists say that using air fresheners will lower life expectancy. Except in my house, where if I don’t use the air freshener after the bathroom, my life expectancy will be lowered by my wife.
The vice-presidential debate will be tomorrow, and the candidates are both preparing in their own ways. Joe Biden is brushing up on history, like how the Founding Fathers did not have helicopters. Sarah Palin is preparing at one of John McCain’s homes -- Home #34-B, if I recall. Mostly, she’s working on developing an immunity to rattlesnake venom. That way, if she’s cornered by Biden, she can just throw a rattler at him.
The stock market had a huge rebound today after yesterday’s record sell-off. In fact, the stock market has been through so many ups and downs that it’s being renamed in honor of Amy Winehouse.
Yesterday, a man tried to become the first person to cross the English Channel in a pedal-powered airship, but he failed, because it was really just a bicycle flung across the water.
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