1. A new study says that women who wear red receive more attention from men. Which explains why I’m often attracted to women with ketchup stains.
2. Well, the stock market went up an incredible 10% today! You know what that means? Tomorrow, it’s going into freefall.
3. The government arrested two white supremacists for plotting to kill Barack Obama. A lot of the evidence came from one of the accused’s MySpace page. I think that should be the first thing you learn in assassination school.
4. Kim Jong Il is apparently being treated by a French brain surgeon. Now isn’t that a moral dilemma? “Oh, my bad. Didn’t mean to give you a lobotomy.”
5. Vitamin E supplements don’t lower the risk of prostate cancer. But as ravers can tell you, they do make you very happy.
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