BEST OF THE WEEK

In England, an old roller coaster was getting torn down, and underneath, they found someone’s false leg. Now, how do you forget that? “Great ride! But there’s something different now. I just can’t put my foot on it.”

Recently, it seems like there are four presidential campaigns: Barack Obama and John McCain are running for president, Sarah Palin is running for president in 2012, and Joe Biden is running for president of Mars.

This weekend is the premiere of the movie “High School Musical 3”. Disney has already made plans for “High School Musical 4 - The Glamtastic Electric Dance” -- or “G.E.D.” for short.

Half of doctors in the United States say that they regularly prescribe placebos to their patients. “Here’s some Viagra, but remember, to activate it, you need to watch a lot of porn.”

The new leader of the far right in Austria said that its recently deceased leader was “the man of his life” and they had a “special relationship”. What does it say about the U.S. that in Europe our politicians would be less sensitive than neo-Nazis?

It’s now been revealed that the Republicans have spent $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s wardrobe. However, they then said that the clothing would go to a “charitable purpose” after the campaign. Yeah, because if there’s anything I hear homeless people complain about, it’s not enough high heels. “Oh, I wish I had a Gucci jacket to go with my cardboard shoes.”

A new study says that women who wear red get more attention from men. Which explains why I’m often attracted to women with ketchup stains.

A large group of scientists is now going to research how clouds affect climate. Well, I can help you with one thing -- I hear they cause rain.

A new study says that suicide is linked with changes to the brain. Specifically from “cohesive” to “splattered”.

A new study says eating fast can increase your chances of being overweight. Except in my apartment, because my roommate is a hyena. If I don’t eat fast, he’ll steal my food.

An 18-year-old in Florida was convicted of elderly abuse after getting his grandmother to say wild things on the internet that went completely against her beliefs. Next up -- the staff of John McCain.

The leader of a NATO mission to fight Somali pirates says it will be difficult, because you can’t tell who are pirates until they attack a ship. I find it’s easier if they’re playing songs by Jimmy Buffet.