1. President Bush is going to host a big international conference to discuss the financial crisis. Yes, he’s going to gather together world leaders and ask them to please explain to him the financial crisis.
2. This weekend, Oliver Stone released his “historical” movie about President Bush. Is he fully aware that Bush is still president? Oliver Stone’s presidential biopics are coming sooner and sooner. In fact, he’s already started filming “Palin”. Yeah, I know, that won’t be until 2012, but he needs to do it now, because if he waits until Palin’s in office, all the theaters will have already been destroyed by nuclear war.
3. The government of South Korea is going to guarantee $100 billion in offshore debt by its banks. To let you know how crazy the current financial crisis is, the sanest economy on the Korean peninsula right now is North Korea.
4. O.J. Simpson’s Football Hall of Fame ring is now in a custody battle. Said Simpson, quote: [Lord of the Rings Gollum voice] “Not my precious! Bad judges can’t take away my precious!”
5. There was big news at a golf tournament in Portugal, because an official fell into a lake and had to be rescued, because he couldn’t swim. Golfers in Florida were like: “Wimp! Put some alligators in there! Then we‘ll feel sorry for you.”
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