1. Recently, it seems like there are four presidential campaigns: Barack Obama and John McCain are running for president, Sarah Palin is running for president in 2012, and Joe Biden is running for president of Mars.
2. A new study says eating fast can increase your chances of being overweight. Except in my apartment, because my roommate is a hyena. If I don’t eat fast, he’ll steal my food.
3. In London, an atheist organization is putting slogans on buses that read: “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” Yes, believing that your mind and soul will be permanently destroyed forever when you die -- that’ll make most people stop worrying.
4. The leader of a NATO mission to fight Somali pirates says it will be difficult, because you can’t tell who are pirates until they attack a ship. I find it’s easier if they’re playing songs by Jimmy Buffet.
5. John McCain has accused Barack Obama of backing both teams in the World Series. Good to know where our priorities are. “He says he likes butter AND margarine!” “He doesn’t care which direction his toilet paper hangs!”
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