1. The vice-presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin is going to be tonight. Or as we in the joke business call it -- the swimsuit issue.
2. The mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, wants to change the law so he can have a third term. Man, even the mayor of New York is afraid to look for work now. “My god, I don’t even know how to use PowerPoint!”
3. A new study says far fewer illegal immigrants are entering the country. Apparently a lot of former Wall Street bankers are taking their jobs, since they have so much experience in laundering.
4. Scientists are trying to figure out why people from the super-tiny country of Andorra live longer than others. They think it’s one of three things - a healthy diet, regular exercise, or an excellent ability to forge birth certificates. When that 90-year-old gave birth to twins, I think it should have set off some warning bells.
5. A new study says that kids’ cereals are, wait for it now, full of sugar. I know, I was flabbergasted too! So forget that chemical-loaded Captain Crunch and feed your kids something more traditional, like pancakes. They won’t even miss the cereal.
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