1. Today, the former head of the investment bank Lehman Brothers said that he takes “full responsibility for what happened.” Whew! So that means we’re off the hook for the $700 billion, right? Thanks!
2. This is true, a restaurant in Japan is now using two monkeys to serve as busboys. Man, that population decline is really starting to affect them, huh?
3. Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin says he doesn’t want people erecting statues of him. But without statues, what are they going to tear down when they get democracy back?
4. Ford is coming out with a new car that limits teenagers to speeds of 80 miles per hour, lowers the stereo volume, and beeps if the seat belt isn’t on. Hollywood studios are already looking into buying the cars for some of their actors.
5. Apparently, the FBI used to have a special file on Evel Knievel. Now, he DID beat a former business partner with a baseball bat. But he had an excuse - apparently he forgot that for other people, broken bones hurt.
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