BEST OF THE WEEK

So yesterday was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Aaarrrr. So I spoke with everyone in Somali.

Did you see the first lady of France playing guitar on TV with Metallica? In contrast, the only heavy metal Laura Bush had contact with recently was from the water in China.

One of the owners of Google started a blog today. Wow, I hope it does well, so he can get out of that little Internet start-up he’s running. This will look good on his resume.

In Australia, scientists have found a new species of crab. The scientists were thrilled, because they’d almost run out of things to barbecue.

Construction workers for the World Cup in South Africa are getting free tickets. In a similar gesture, construction workers at the new Yankees stadium will get free tickets to the Mets. That way, they can watch a winning team.

The veteran heavy metal band Metallica had the number-one selling CD in the country. Why? Because the only people buying albums anymore are in their forties. The second-best selling CD was an audio book about menopause.

A bar in Australia is offering free drinks to any woman who takes off her underwear. Now there’s a surprise. Wouldn’t that happen in any bar?

The new prime minister of Japan, Taro Aso, apparently loves comic books. Man, too bad Bush is leaving now! They could have bonded so well. You know, in Japan, they have comic books about everything -- even teaching economics. Bush was really excited to hear that. “I can learn about the economy from a comic book! How do I get to this ‘Jap-pan’?”

Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson says there should be no punishment for banks like Goldman Sachs. Hmm, I wonder if that has anything to do with him being the former CEO of GOLDMAN SACHS?!

Did you hear there’s a company coming out with three-ply toilet paper? Not to be outdone, Charmin unveiled its new toilet paper, simply called ‘The Tree’. It consists of an entire tree. I recommend the willow version as opposed to the pine. Charmin hopes to have most of the U.S. deforested by the end of the year.