9/3

1. A spokesman for John McCain said today about Sarah Palin that “the vetting controversy is a faux media scandal designed to destroy the first female Republican nominee for vice president of the United States who has never been part of the old boys’ network that has come to dominate the news establishment of this country.” Now, a couple things. First, you need to lay off the caffeine. Second, there’s this wonderful new invention called the ‘comma’. I’ll send you some information on it. Were there female Republican nominees for vice president who were part of the old boys’ network? Is he actually saying that the media would have been easier on a female vice president nominee thirty years ago? And, man, you are going for the sexist card way too early. Yeah, the media would never question the qualifications of a male vice presidential nominee, [cough] Dan Quayle.

2. A town in Sicily is now offering abandoned homes for one euro apiece. That’s about a $1.44. Hmm, still a little pricey for me. Come on! In this market? I can get a mansion in Malibu for 50 cents and half a sneaker.

3. Jamie Lynn Spears sent a gift to Sarah Palin’s daughter, who is pregnant. Man, I am tired of all these conservatives condoning single motherhood! What happened to good old-fashioned liberal guilt? That’s the difference. Conservatives aren’t even guilty about it.

4. Vice-President Dick Cheney is on a visit to Georgia and other countries in the area, but he’s not visiting Russia. Hmm. It’s like when you go all the way to visit your family in Florida, but you don’t drop in on Uncle Jimmy, because he still hasn’t apologized for denting your shiny new Democracy car.

5. A drunk driver in Iowa got pulled over and tried to bribe the cop with free sandwiches. And the really shocking thing is that the cop didn’t take it. Not with Subway having $5 footlongs.