1. Today, investigators said that several officials in the government department for oil and mining have been taking bribes, illegal drugs, and sexual favors from companies. One-third of the Denver office was accused. One third! You know what they call that in Alaska? Amateurs. And apparently, this is true, their excuse was that they had to socialize with oil and mining companies to get “market intelligence”. What is this, the Cold War? “Oh, well, sure we were taking drugs and getting laid, but we didn’t want any of it! We were sacrificing for our country.”
2. Congressman Charles Rangel of New York City says that he didn’t report the money he got from renting out his vacation house because whenever he tried to get information from his managers, they would, and I quote, “start speaking Spanish”. Yeah, Spanish -- a rare language only spoken by HALF OF THE HOUSEHOLDS IN HIS DISTRICT! “These guys are speaking Spanish! If only there was someone in New York City who could translate for me. If they were speaking Swahili, maybe! But Spanish?”
3. White House press secretary Dana Perino said yesterday that President Bush would have liked to capture Osama bin Laden, but that government authorities didn’t have “super powers”. Great, during Bush’s term, we’ve gone from being the world’s only superpower to not having any at all. Well, Mr. President, from watching Republicans campaign for office this year, you do seem to have the power to disappear.
4. In Africa, a rare animal related to the giraffe has been spotted for the first time in nearly 50 years. Another creature recently spotted for the first time ever -- Republicans outraged about sexist remarks.
5. So there is this whole controversy about Obama saying that Republicans are trying to put lipstick on a pig. What isn’t so well known is that he was referring to John McCain, who is a closet cross dresser.
No comments:
Post a Comment