1. The Republicans have decided to have a shortened convention. Not because of Hurricane Gustav, but because they’re not sure if McCain will last till it’s over.
2. Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps is going to donate his $1 million bonus to charity. But how is he going to afford to eat now?
3. The boyfriend of Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter is going to be at the convention. He’s the father of her child. Because it’s good to show the Republican side of having children out of wedlock. It’s also good to see things working out with that abstinence sex education.
4. Tiger Woods is expecting another child. Hmm, maybe that’s how he injured his knee.
5. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler is going to release a tell-all book. As if he hadn’t already done enough to embarrass his daughter.
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