1. Scientists are afraid that the oceans are becoming too noisy for whales. For example, here’s a recording from a microphone placed waaay out in the Atlantic. [sounds of seawater and screams] Man, those guys are really upset on Wall Street today!
2. Do you know why they call it Wall Street? Because that’s what bankers are butting their heads against. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…”
3. George Takei, who played Sulu on the original Star Trek, got married yesterday to his male partner. However, we didn’t get the name of his partner, so tragically, like most unnamed characters in Star Trek, he was almost immediately eaten by an alien.
4. And Bank of America bought the investment bank Merrill Lynch. Man, when they say “Bank of America”, they’re really starting to mean it.
5. A new study says that clean living can reduce the aging of your cells. That’s why after you smoke, you should always take a shower.
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