1. At first, Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson didn’t want to cut the giant bonuses of executives at bailed-out banks, because he thought the executives wouldn’t agree. And this is a problem because…? Are they three-year-olds? What, do they need a spanking?
2. A group of mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a new prime number 13 million digits long. A prime number can only be divided by one and itself - like 700 billion, because it’s only going to be divided by the Secretary of the Treasury.
3. A man in Brazil has gotten nearly $2 million in traffic fines. The problem started because he used to work at the United Nations, and when he returned to Brazil, he forgot that he had to start paying tickets again.
4. Scientists have found that people who feel lonely also feel physically colder than others. This is why people are becoming more isolated -- air conditioning.
5. Last night, the founder of the mildly successful food company Newman’s Own died. Among his many hobbies were car racing and acting.
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