9/16

1. You know Nigerian scam letters? Where somebody claims to have a gajillion dollars and will give you some if you help them? Well, this is true, I got a Nigerian scam letter today saying that a special commission has been set up to pay victims of Nigerian scam letters! It blew my mind! It was like the sound of one hand clapping. The Nigerian scam letter has gone post-modern. This scam letter is going on and on about how people who write scam letters are horrible… so please send us money. It kind of sounds like John McCain. “Those damn Republicans! Let’s show those Republicans in Washington by… voting Republican!” Actually, these days the Republicans kind of remind me of a Nigerian scam letter: promise everything, deliver nothing, and do it with bad grammar.

2. A new study is trying to see if criminals behave better if they get more vitamins. Unfortunately, the program hit a snag when most of the criminals went to the black market and sold their vitamins. Worse, they pretended they were Viagra.

3. Scientists have now found a planet that circles a star similar to our sun. It’s eight times the size of Jupiter, or roughly half the size of a dinner special at the Olive Garden.

4. The Arctic sea ice did not hit a record low this year, though it was close. The extra ice was the ocean trying to protect itself from future oil drilling.

5. In Israel, the government is going to use DNA testing in dog crap on the street to find out who the owners are. In the U.S., investigators are using the same technique now around Wall Street.