9/20

1. So yesterday was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Aaarrrr. So I spoke with everyone in Somali.

2. In Lancaster, California, this is true, a section of road was built so that when you drove over the grooves in the road, they played the Lone Ranger theme. Did you know that the same thing was recently done on Wall Street too, but it’s hard to hear over all the screaming.

3. George Michael was arrested yesterday for possession of what the British police call Class A and Class C drugs. I’m interested in this Class A and C stuff. Class A is like marijuana, but Class C is like crack cocaine. And Class D would be like internet porn.

4. If she becomes vice president, Sarah Palin is going to have to figure out how to deal with devious foreign leaders, to be able to hide her motives and use strategy. But so far, she can’t seem to create an email password better than her son’s name. [generic foreign accent] “So, how did you finally crack the president’s secret code?” “Well, we put in the word ‘password’. And voila!”

5. Former British prime minister Tony Blair has begun what’s being described as a professional lecturing role. But didn’t he always have a lecturing role? “Now people, how many times do I have to explain this?”