1. The world’s largest-ever matzo ball is being cooked in New York City. 250 pounds. It’s also the largest-ever food cooked with absolutely no flavor. The previous record-holder has been set almost every night by various branches of Applebee’s.
2. New figures show that the United States had almost no job growth over the last decade. Zero. Except for consultants. That’s because the consultants help companies figure out how to make money without hiring anyone.
3. A man in Florida told police that the child pornography on his computer was downloaded by his cat. Apparently, the cat was trying to download kitty porn.
4. A hacker attack shut down Twitter yesterday, leaving millions hanging over which bagel Ashton Kutcher eventually chose. The most common message stopped from being posted was: “Hey, is Twitter down?”
5. Starbucks is trying to get its workers to use body movements more efficiently. For example, baristas will now be required to blink only twice a minute. Maybe it would help if they weren’t so jacked up on caffeine. Starbucks was able to track the movements of workers thanks to the microchips inserted under their skin.
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