1. France and Germany are out of the recession! Woo hoo! Both their economies grew 0.3% last quarter! That’s… very small. I grew 0.3% last quarter just by putting Odor Eaters in my shoes.
2. Abercrombie & Fitch was found guilty of discriminating against a clerk with a prosthetic arm. The reason was that she wore a sweater to cover the arm, and it didn’t fit the store’s look. Wow, I didn’t know their clerks even wore clothes.
3. Crime rates are continuing to fall across the U.S., even during the recession. Maybe it’s just because no one has anything to steal anyway.
4. A new study says flamingos that rest their heads on the left tend to be more aggressive than ones that rest on the right. Scientists think it’s because they’re angry about everything in flamingo life being right-headed. I’ve seen some lefties get pretty aggressive when trying to use scissors.
5. To stop swine flu, several conservative rabbis flew around Israel in a small plane while praying. They also set the record for highest airborne sideburn-density, previously held by “The Flying Elvises”:
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