1. Police in Bangladesh are getting official advice from beauty experts. But not for looking better -- for chemical warfare. The fumes in some nail salons can take people down in a matter of minutes.
2. A new MTV commercial shows Russell Brand speaking telepathically to Britney Spears. But if that actually happened, I don’t think Spears could separate his voice from all the others in her head.
3. Stock prices have hit a new high for 2009. That’s like saying “Daddy Day Camp” is the best Cuba Gooding Jr. movie of the decade.
4. Some people have been complaining that their iPhones exploded, so Apple is starting a recall. Not for the iPhones, but for the microchips in iPhone users’ brains. “If people are complaining about their iPhones,” said an Apple spokesperson, “then obviously our microchips aren’t working.”
5. A new study says that some bacteria make insects only have female children. Hearing the news, China and India stopped trying to cure swine flu and put all their resources into keeping the bacteria from crossing over to humans.
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