1. Marines will now be barred from social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter, because they could be used by enemies. Yeah, that’s how the library tracked me down. However, in response, Facebook will now allow people to either friend or enemy each other. Another reason for the ban is that the sites were overloading the military’s internet capacity. Although, if you really want to stop overloading the internet, you need to ban porn. But that would be the end of the volunteer military.
2. Research ships have been sent to study what has been called a “giant plastic island” in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. However, today, the ships discovered that it was just Kenny Rogers scuba diving.
3. Bill Clinton made a surprise visit to North Korea to meet with Kim Jong Il. Clinton made the visit instead of President Obama because: a) Kim doesn’t believe Obama was born in the United States and therefore is not the president; and b) Clinton and Kim can bond over their love of food and women, and their embarrassing relatives.
4. A new poll says people in China trust sex workers more than politicians, because if you have affairs with politicians, they’re just going to end up crying about it all over the news.
5. In Canada, police are investigating parents who made a film of their seven-year-old driving a car and put it on YouTube. Now I wonder how they got the idea that might be a cute way to get famous?
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