1. A survey in Britain found that the most popular free activity there is sex, while in Washington DC, it’s the most popular paid activity. The next most-popular free activity in the survey was window shopping. A similar survey was done in Amsterdam, but they don’t have separate categories for sex and window shopping.
2. The owners of a company in Illinois gave employees Christmas bonuses this year for as much as $35,000, splitting $6.6 million among 230 employees. The owners were then immediately thrown out ARNTWE [pronounced “Aren’t we?”], the Association of Ridiculously Nauseously Titillatingly Wealthy Executives. “You’re making the rest of us look bad!”
3. Many schools in Maryland are going to give kids the day off to go to Barack Obama’s inauguration, because that‘s the only way 95% of his staff could attend.
4. A new study says that antioxidants, which are supposed to clean up free radicals, don’t really stop the process of ageing. The study interviewed several older policemen who, back in the 60s, had cleaned up tons of hippies and other free radicals.
5. In Switzerland today, voters decided to let doctors prescribe heroin. In completely unrelated news, this year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony will be held in Geneva.
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