1. A new study says that pregnant women should stay away from coffee. It keeps them awake, jittery, irritable, and having to urinate a lot. Basically, it makes them feel like they’re pregnant.
2. A pizza company in New Zealand got into trouble for showing dead celebrities dancing on graves. The problem came when President Bush complained that he was still alive. Do you remember when Bush first got elected, how everyone was upset about all the vacations he was taking? Now we’re like: “Are you still here? Go on! Take as much vacation as you want!”
3. Political parties have been doing some dirty tricks recently to lower the popularity of candidates. For example, the Democrats have been tricking Bush into going to John McCain rallies.
4. If Barack Obama loses tomorrow, the unemployment rate is going to skyrocket, because every poll-taker in American is going to lose his job.
5. The Vatican is going to bring back time clocks for its employees, to improve time efficiency. At least they don’t have to worry about losing their retirement plans. God has a great one, though his health care plan is not so good.
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