1. Next week, Obama starts receiving the Presidential Daily Brief, which is the same intelligence report that Bush gets. Already, the White House has begun designing a non-pop-up version.
2. There have been rumors that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il is, in fact, ill. Il is ill. So North Korea released a photo of Kim with some troops, but the photo was apparently doctored. One of the clues was that his shadow was different from the troops. But actually, things of pure evil do cast different shadows from the rest of us, as can be seen from this photo. [Show picture of people around a sign reading “Time Warner Cable” and the sign casts a different shadow.]
3. So a big question now is: “What is the White House pet going to be?” I guess we can eliminate the Chihuahua. [Show picture of a Chihuahua next to one of Obama, with the ears of both prominent.]
4. A new study says that green spaces can improve people’s health. Unless they’re between your teeth.
5. The jobless rate is at its highest since 1994, which, of course, was when the Rolling Stones cancelled a tour. Roadies were literally all over the street.
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