1. Nigeria’s only satellite has been taken offline. As you may know, the Nigerian satellite was originally launched to help distribute e-mails around the world. The program ran out of money when an amazing business deal with the wife of an ex-general mysteriously fell through.
2. There was a huge earthquake drill in Southern California. However, Pat Robertson said it could be canceled, because God will leave California alone now that it’s banned gay marriage.
3. Barack Obama’s Secret Service code name is going to be Renegade. Hmm, is that a play on “maverick”?
4. Yesterday in Canada, a man was released from prison because he was too fat for his jail cell. And today, Alaskan senator Ted Stevens started going to buffets.
5. Germany is now officially in a recession. Not to be confused with the German depression, which has been going on for about 2,000 years. Germany -- the nation that invented the Prozac hose.
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