1. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulsen said today that the $700 billion financial bailout is working. In response, traders sent stocks down to one of their lowest levels so far. Man, I’d hate to see things if it wasn’t working!
2. A chimpanzee in Florida has adopted two tiger cubs. Through sign language, the chimp says that she was inspired by Barack Obama. He’s even inspiring other species!
3. Google is now tracking the spread of the flu. They do it by secretly inserting a camera into the nose of every American. There are a few worries about privacy laws, though. They put the “us” into “mucus”.
4. A man in Florida tried to steal Communion wafers at a church yesterday. He apparently thought they were Necco wafers.
5. A new pyramid has been discovered in the Egyptian desert. There is no top, though. Only the base is left. Researchers think that it’s probably already been thoroughly robbed. That sounds like my hair. I can relate. And my brains were plundered long ago. Not that they would have been worth much.
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