1. A driver in Texas slammed into another car at 100 mph because he said God told him to. This is why God should never be your co-pilot. And don’t let Jesus drive when it’s raining. The brakes won’t work, because you’ll just keep gliding over the puddles.
2. This year, exports by China’s dairy farmers have fallen 92%. However, because of new rules, they’re exporting more actual milk than ever before.
3. Today is Britney Spears’ 27th birthday. 27? Doesn’t it feel like she should be at least 40? What the hell are the next few years going to bring? She’s already calling her new album “Circus”. Is she going to buy a chimpanzee? If she starts building a ranch in California…
4. Plaxico Burress, a receiver with the New York Giants, is being sought by police after shooting himself in the leg at a nightclub. Well, they always said he was good enough to catch bullets.
5. Detroit car executives are coming to Congress to beg for cash again, and this time, instead of private jets, some are going to drive cars made by their own companies, which means they’ll still end up using the same amount of fuel.
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