BEST OF THE WEEK

President Bush has now made it easier for insurance companies to not pay for medical procedures for ethical reasons. I was shocked -- insurance companies have ethics? Maybe this is to balance all the procedures they deny for unethical reasons. “You know, we are just morally opposed to heart surgery.”

So this $50 billion pyramid scheme run by Wall Street banker Bernie Madoff, the owner of the New York Mets had money invested in it. And that’s only his second-worst investment from back then, because of course, he also bought the Mets.

An Iraqi cameraman threw his shoes at President Bush and called him a dog. Now, I don’t know how Iraqis treat their politicians, but I know I don’t want to be a dog there. That’s not a nice way to treat a dog. Luckily, Bush was able to duck out of the way, showing his skill at dodging anything thrown at him by reporters.

The brother of the guy who threw his shoes at President Bush said it was spontaneous, and not pre-planned. Really? He was going to ask: “Um, Mr. Bush, what are your thoughts on Kirkuk?” But instead, he went: “Um, ah, arrrgghhh! This is the farewell kiss, you dog!” Sometimes I feel Chris Matthews is about to do that. However, a co-worker of the shoe guy said that he’d been thinking of doing “something” for a year. And this is the best he came up with after a year? It’s much better than throwing bombs, but not quite roses, so the Bush administration is calling it a tie.

There is apparently still advertising available during the Super Bowl. And it’s only $3 million for 30 seconds! I know, rush to your phones! Some of the ads are being bought by the Detroit Lions, because that’s as close as they’re getting to the Super Bowl.

Burger King is going to market a men’s fragrance with the smell of meat for only $3.99. For less than that, can’t you just stuff a Whopper in your pants?

The CEO of Playboy, Christie Hefner, has decided to quit and go into pubic service. Wait, I mean, public service. And isn’t that what she’s been doing already? Helping women make their services public?

In South Florida, someone tried to rob a Pizza Hut deliveryman, and he defended himself by throwing the pizza at the guy. Now, what does he know about these pizzas that we don’t? I knew they were unhealthy, but I didn’t know they were lethal. Are the pizzas made in China?

Someone broke into Paris Hilton’s home and stole $2 million of jewelry. Her housekeepers were home, but said they were not responsible for any valuables left in rooms. She should have kept them in the safe in the lobby.

Good news for some California state employees -- Governor Schwarzenegger is giving them extra time off for Christmas. The bad news -- it’s whether they want it or not.

Today’s headline: Deep Throat Deep Sixed.

This year’s flu is apparently resistant to the flu vaccine people have been getting. Finally, I can feel superior to people who get flu shots.

A Chinese passenger plane took off for Taiwan for the first time since 1949. Here’s a photo. Those are bits of the plane after China shot it down.