1. President Bush has now made it easier for insurance companies to not pay for medical procedures for ethical reasons. I was shocked -- insurance companies have ethics? Maybe this is to balance all the procedures they deny for unethical reasons. “You know, we are just morally opposed to heart surgery.”
2. General Motors and Chrysler are now going to get a $4 billion bailout from Canada. What, are they like panhandlers now? “Hey, Mexico, can you spare some change? We need to make a phone call. And greener cars.” Which is about as believable as the phone call part. They’ve hired a new consultant. Can we get a shot of him? [Show picture of panhandler on the street.] He’s going to advise them on proper sign wording. There’s the honest approach. [Show panhandler with sign reading “Why lie? I want a corporate retreat in the Bahamas.”] There’s the pity approach. [“Suffering from terminal stupidity. No one wants to buy my huge expensive trucks. Please help.”]
3. Someone broke into Paris Hilton’s home and stole $2 million of jewelry. Her housekeepers were home, but said they were not responsible for any valuables left in rooms. She should have kept them in the safe in the lobby.
4. Good news for some California state employees - Governor Schwarzenegger is giving them extra time off for Christmas. The bad news - it’s whether they want it or not.
5. Today's headline: Deep Throat Deep Sixed.
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