1. Yesterday, the internet connection between the Middle East and Europe got disconnected, which means Saudi Arabians will have to start having sex with their wives. Or at least their maids.
2. General Motors and Chrysler are going to get $17.4 billion in “short-term” loans. Short-term, because they’ll run through that in about [look at watch] a few hours.
3. A new study says that sneezing can be a sign of sexual attraction. That explains why I like furry women.
4. This year’s flu is apparently resistant to the flu vaccine people have been getting. Finally, I can feel superior to people who get flu shots.
5. Barack Obama has picked conservative pastor Rick Warren to give his inauguration prayer. There has been some controversy, though, because Warren opposes same-sex marriage and abortion. Well, if you’re going to have a Republican, that’s a compromise you have to make. So did Mother Teresa.
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