1. A man in Malaysia was stabbed to death because he wouldn’t give up the microphone at a karaoke bar. The police ruled it a justifiable homicide. Afterwards, the attacker sang his selection -- “Feelings”.
2. A new study says that men with high intelligence tend to have better sperm, which is good, because they don’t get to use it very often.
3. OJ Simpson was sentenced to 15 years in prison for stealing sports memorabilia. So now we know the priorities in America. Kill your ex-wife, go free. Try to steal a man’s souvenir football, and you go to prison, buddy! Thank god he didn’t try to take the guy’s PlayStation. He would have gotten life.
4. The new breed of electric cars use batteries made from lithium. That’s because most cars are manic depressive, and without lithium, the cars shift from extremely high speeds to slow plodding motion for no particular reason.
5. Last month, the economy had the biggest rise in job losses for 34 years. Many of the losses were, ironically, for people who write about job losses. So even if hiring goes up again, those people won’t get their jobs back.
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