BEST OF THE WEEK

Several American internet firms have now agreed to block websites with child porn. There was an immediate outcry, though, when no one could get to the website for “Vanity Fair”.

A team of scientists now says that a new universe could begin right inside this room, and we’d never know. Some people think that’s what happened inside Hillary Clinton’s head.

Scientists have now developed a patch for your arm that will keep you from getting diarrhea. They’re promoting them by including one with every meal from Taco Bell.

Hillary Clinton has now officially conceded the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama. In similar news, the New England Patriots have finally conceded the Super Bowl.

Barack Obama says that he will not be rushed into choosing a vice president. Well, you’ve only got until the convention in August. I think the primary season has warped his head a little. “We’ve got forever to do this!”

Many Congressmen are trying to pass a bill that would extend unemployment insurance, because if things keep going the way they are, a lot of Congressmen are going to need it.

Apparently, more than 4,000 babies in China have been given the name “Olympic Games”. Yeah, that seems cool now, but just ask all those middle-aged Chinese named “Death to Capitalism”.

Scientists now say that bright lights can help slow the progress of dementia. Is that why McCain says he’ll put more skylights in the White House?

A record number of Australian women are working on ranches. One manager said the women do better with cattle than men, because “the hormones aren’t playing up with them.” Hmm, I don’t think you’re doing much to dispel rumors about the sexual practices of Australian ranch hands.

In Colorado, police have caught some robbers who wore women’s thongs on their faces. And apparently, the thongs were originally stolen from Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi. Do robbers just wear whatever underwear is in style on their heads? Is this why they’re not using panty hose anymore? Did robbers from the 1500s use chastity belts? Those were probably great for sword fights. Maybe that’s how the helmet was invented.

Police in Pennsylvania had to cut open a port-a-potty to rescue a man who got trapped inside naked. The police said he was drunk. Really? That’s a surprise. I don’t even like going in those things with a haz-mat suit on, let alone naked. Maybe he thought it was like a little sauna. It’s hot, there’s water, you sit down.

Today, the king of Nepal left the palace that his family has lived in for more than a century. Wow, it’s really getting bad with these subprime loans, huh?