6/23

1. It appears that Amy Winehouse has emphysema, but could recover completely as long as she stops smoking. So start writing the obituaries now, folks. When her doctor told her to stop smoking, her first question was: “Does that include crack?”

2. Corn prices have risen 60% so far this year. In fact, it’s so bad, many TV shows now pay almost double for jokes. Some shows might have to switch to alternative sources of humor like wit and irony instead of corn, or as it’s called in its unrefined form: ‘cornball’.

3. It might soon become easier to create addresses for websites. However, there will still be an arbitration system that can reject domains on “morality or public order” grounds. So this might be the end of the “American Gladiators” website.

4. A restaurant in Beirut is apparently decorating itself like a military outpost, with weapons and camouflage hanging on the walls. The owner says that it’s all being done as a joke, to relieve some tension in the neighborhood. They’re very literal about those torpedo sandwiches. You don’t see other disaster areas doing this. There are no New Orleans restaurants in swimming pools. There are no commemorative restaurants in the hometown of Jessica Simpson.

5. Today, I’m going to say the four words I hoped I couldn’t say on television: George Carlin died yesterday.