BEST OF THE WEEK

One of the world’s most isolated tribes was photographed for the first time on the border between Brazil and Peru. I’ll give you an idea of how isolated they are -- they still think Hillary has a shot at the nomination.

Yesterday, Condoleezza Rice was in Sweden and had a meeting with the heavy metal band Kiss (true). The band gave t-shirts to Rice’s staff, and following his usual tradition, Gene Simmons took Rice’s virginity.

French president Nicolas Sarkozy met his wife Carla Bruni on a blind date. But can celebrities really have blind dates? “So what does he do?” “He’s running for president.” “Okay…. but is he cute? Is he a people person?” “Well, he called rioters ‘animals’ once.”

Brazil recently hosted the world’s largest gay pride demonstration, with three million participants. Not surprising, actually. Do you really think a straight guy came up with Carnival?

Scientists have been tracking how thousands of people move through society by noting where they make cell phone calls. The results seem to show most people spend 90% of their time sitting next to me.

Governor Schwarzenegger has declared that the state of California is officially in a drought. So he’s asked all the pregnant women to leave, because they retain too much water.

So people are saying about Hillary Clinton, “What now?” Well, I don’t know, how about, oh, being SENATOR OF NEW YORK! New Yorkers might be happy with that.

Actress Tatum O’Neal says that the death of her dog led her to take drugs. Really? I don’t remember that when my dog died. “Well, son, this is part of life. Now let’s go smoke some crack. It’ll make you feel better. Then it will screw you up for the rest of your life. Which is how I ended up killing the dog. It‘s the great circle of life. Checkers will decompose, and the rich soil he makes will flow into the ocean. Some will drift down to Colombia, where it will fertilize coca fields that lead people to accidentally kill their pets. It‘s sort of like a druggier Lion King.”

The Nigerian government is bragging that it just seized 80 tons of drugs, but Great Britain is fighting hard to get them to release Amy Winehouse. And that’s just what they found in her body. They haven’t even searched her luggage yet.

A Japanese aid flight to Chinese earthquake victims was cancelled, because local Chinese are still angry about World War II. First, something needs to be done to make average Chinese more friendly towards the Japanese -- like maybe, I don’t know, BRINGING AID TO EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS?

Hillary Clinton says she might be open to being Barack Obama’s vice-presidential candidate. This reminds me of a movie scene…