1. Today, the king of Nepal left the palace that his family has lived in for more than a century. Wow, it’s really getting bad with these subprime loans, huh?
2. Barack Obama says that he would be the best person to run the economy, because John McCain’s tax plan would add $4.5 trillion to the national debt, while Obama’s tax plan would only add $3.3 trillion. That’s like your Uncle Joey saying he should drive the kids home instead of Uncle Bob, because “Bob’s got 40 drunk driving arrests, but I’ve only got 30!”
3. Tiger Woods is expected to have a tough time at the U.S. Open this week, because he’s recovering from knee surgery. In fact, he’s only expected to win by ten strokes. He got the knee injury when he was tackled by an ad executive. “Please do a commercial for our grape juice!”
4. Apparently, more than 4,000 babies in China have been given the name “Olympic Games”. Yeah, that seems cool now, but just ask all those middle-aged Chinese named “Death to Capitalism”.
5. The old cartoon characters the Smurfs are going to be in a new movie. The little blue creatures who live in the woods were originally modeled after Best Buy employees who got lost during a morale-building exercise.
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