1. In Romania, a village has elected a dead man as mayor. Not metaphorically dead, like Hillary Clinton, but really actually dead. I guess he was just really stiff competition.
2. Israel and Hamas have agreed to a truce. It’s supposed to start at 6AM on Thursday, so if you have to wake up at 5:45AM that day, don’t worry about setting the alarm. It’s going to be like an extremely literal blowout sale. Everything must be exploded now!
3. In other Middle East news, Israeli police surprisingly arrested some Israeli settlers who beat Palestinian shepherds with clubs. Israeli police enforcing the law against Israeli settlers in the West Bank? Is this a sign that the Palestinians are going to start being treated fairly? Oh, how naïve. No, the only reason is because this time the Palestinians filmed the beating. Funny how video footage changes things. Plus, this doesn’t say much for intelligence of the settlers. Why didn’t they break the camera? These are obviously not people thinking rationally.
4. The National Spelling Bee champion was crowned today. The winning word was ‘guerdon’, as in: “I’ve been guerdon this prisoner all day.”
5. So the internet browser Firefox is trying to set the world record for the most downloads in 24 hours. In the announcement, a spokesman for the company said: “There is actually no record for the greatest amount of software downloaded in one day.” Well, thanks for ruining the suspense. I think your chances for setting the record are pretty good then. Right now, I’m going to set the record for most times saying the word ‘bakaloo’ in a row. Bakaloo, bakaloo, bakaloo, bakaloo. Take that, Guinness people!
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