1. Bill Clinton now says he will do whatever is necessary to get Barack Obama elected president. The Obama campaign thanked him for his support and sent him on a trip to Europe… until about December.
2. Yesterday, conservative Christian leader James Dobson accused Barack Obama of having a “fruitcake interpretation” of the Constitution. Actually, that happens to be correct, as can be seen from this photograph. [Show Obama on a podium holding a giant fruitcake with the Constitution in frosting on top.] Forget all this crazy conspiracy stuff about Obama being a secret Muslim or Black Power activist. He’s actually a secret Keebler Elf. [Add Keebler Elf hat to Obama in picture and put some other Keebler Elves around him.] He’s hoping the “E.L.” in “E.L. Fudge” stands for “Electoral Landslide”.
3. The International Cricket Association said that it might ban Zimbabwe from international cricket matches. Just as soon as that first match wraps up from when it started 59 years ago.
4. Scientists have found a species of frog with claws that come out by piercing through the skin in their fingers. That actually happened to me this weekend when I tasted one of those new Gatorade-flavored Doritos. [Act out stretching hands.]
5. Amy Winehouse has begun rehearsals for her upcoming concerts, even though she has been diagnosed with lung emphysema. Said Winehouse: “Emphysema? I have my liver replaced every week. A little emphysema isn’t going to stop me.”
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