6/5

1. The Chinese government has introduced an official cheer. [Show actual version released by China with drawings and speak while it’s on the screen.] Two claps, two thumbs up, two claps, then two fists in the air. This is a little different from the original version that was proposed. Can we see that? [Show version with two claps, then the thumbs up modified to show index fingers extended too, two claps, then two open hands in the air.] You see, it was two claps, then two guns pointed out sort of John Woo style, then two claps, then hands in the air. “Don’t shoot!” The government is going to train 800,000 students to do the cheer. Man, in the United States, you can’t even get a single classroom of 30 to do something together. The president of the Beijing Etiquette Institute said that the cheer was in line with general international principles for cheering, while also having very Chinese characteristics. I didn’t know there were international principles for cheering. I thought it was just kind of grunt and fist-pump.

2. The Queen of England was recently greeted by a gurning champion. Gurning is a British tradition in which guys put their head through a horse bridle and... well, maybe you need to see it. [Show news clip, which is funny in and of itself.] So this is how the British spend their free time. No wonder they move to New York as soon as they have enough money. There was some confusion over whether he was imitating the Queen.

3. French president Nicolas Sarkozy met his wife Carla Bruni on a blind date. But can celebrities really have blind dates? “So what does he do?” “He’s running for president.” “Okay…. but is he cute? Is he a people person?” “Well, he called rioters ‘animals’ once.”

4. Brazil recently hosted the world’s largest gay pride demonstration, with three million participants. Not surprising, actually. Do you really think a straight guy [Show picture of elaborately-costumed Carnival dancers.] came up with Carnival?

5. Recently, a couple in India discovered that they’d been officially divorced for ten years without knowing it, because of some sneaky forgery by the husband’s brother. My brother asked me: “Now why can’t you be more like that?”