1. A new study says that wearing flip-flops can be bad for your health. Especially if you’re walking through the South Bronx. “Get that guy! He can’t run!”
2. Yesterday, a girl in Michigan got hit by lightning but had no serious injuries. So the doctors told her she should buy a lottery ticket. She did and won $20! Which will pay for about, oh, five seconds of her trip to the hospital. What a lucky girl!
3. A 16-year-old in California named Zac Sunderland is going to try to be the youngest person to sail around the world - alone! You know, my mom wouldn’t even let me stay up past midnight when I was 16. His friends’ parents probably hate his parents. (whiny voice) “Why can’t I go to the party? Zac’s parents let him sail around the world alone!”
4. Scuba divers have just found the only fully-intact British warship in the Great Lakes. It is the first British warship found in American waters since a Florida vacation by Heather Mills.
5. President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has pledged that “lackeys” will never run Zimbabwe. Then he arrested everyone who didn’t agree with him.
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