BEST OF THE WEEK

A woman in New York City has found her kidnapped son through MySpace. This is apparently the first time MySpace has hooked a kid up with his legal guardian.

A judge in Pennsylvania has told three Spanish-speaking muggers that if they learn English, they won’t have to go to jail. The judge said he wanted them to have the necessary language skills to rob anyone in America.

A new study says that extremely overweight middle-aged people are three times more likely to develop Alzheimer’s. Apparently, the first sign is forgetting what your feet look like.

A new study shows that binge drinking damages memory. Thank god! If it didn’t, there wouldn’t be much reason to binge drink.

Senator Hillary Clinton is now comparing herself to Rocky Balboa, but you know, the first time Rocky tries to win the title, he loses.

This year, global temperatures will be affected by La Nina, which is when the central Pacific Ocean cools down. Luckily, John McCain is going swimming there soon, which should lift the temperatures back up.

A letter written by Lincoln sold for a record $3.4 million. It was a response to 195 children who asked him to free all the little slave children. Lincoln’s beautiful and resounding prose can basically be summed up as: “No, but thanks for writing.”

A poll by the BBC shows that people around the world are feeling more positive about the United States these days. Before you get too excited, though, they may be just feeling sorry for us.

It has now been 15 years since the word “spam” was invented. To let people know about the occasion, anti-spam groups sent out mass e-mails.

For the first time, the Army is allowing married couples to live and sleep together in a war zone. But doesn’t that already describe a lot of marriages?

A new study shows that pairs of crows can work together to solve problems that can’t be solved by just one crow. Which puts crows at the same level as chimpanzees, and slightly higher than the Democratic Party.

Aloha Airlines wants to declare bankruptcy. Good thing ‘aloha’ means both hello AND good-bye.

Researchers have uncovered the oldest known recording of a human voice. The French folk melody was sung 150 years ago during a high school performance by John McCain.

On Saturday, cities around the world will black out for one hour to highlight the threat of global warming. It’s called Earth Hour. We already had Earth Day, now Earth Hour, so how about Earth Second? It will symbolize how long each year that President Bush thinks about the Earth.