1. Beyond the fact that the presidential candidates are appearing on World Wrestling Entertainment for god’s sake, I wonder if there’s any sort of even more extremely inappropriate thing John McCain could say about his female and African American opponents? (Show clip of McCain on World Wrestling Entertainment saying: “If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.”)
2. Did you hear about this 18-year-old girl who just became the youngest college professor of all time? She beat a 300-year-old record. And back then, the life expectancy was like, 30 years old, so it wasn’t such a big deal. Compared to today, that was kind of like the steroid era of doing things when you were young. This would have just been like a mid-life crisis for her. Of course, back then, she would have been on her fourth baby by now.
3. The United Nations is warning that it will have to stop collecting garbage in Gaza if Israel doesn’t end its fuel embargo. The UN collects the garbage in Gaza? Can they send some people over to Italy too? I hear they need some help with that. My neighborhood could use a little too.
4. North Korea has supposedly been helping Syria build a nuclear reactor. Photographs have shown a Syrian facility with North Koreans inside. However, later they learned that the North Koreans were just trying to find something to eat. And get out of the cold.
5. The Olympic torch has arrived in Canberra, Australia. However, the Australian prime minister has said that if there are any violent protesters, the police will come down on them like “a ton of bricks”. And remember, this is, not making this up, a man who was recently thrown out of a New York strip club for bad behavior. If he can handle a New York strip club bouncer, why do you think he’ll stop with you, Tibetan protesters? China’s just glad he’s kind of on their side.
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