4/10

1. In Brazil, people have been flocking to an auction of items owned by a captured drug baron. And this is true, the quickest items to be sold were his underwear. They have apparently, again this is true, achieved a legendary status in the country. That may seem odd, until you discover that the drug baron looked like this. (Show Photoshopped image of his head on the body of a female supermodel in underwear.) No, actually he looks like this. (Switch photo to actual one.) Brazilians have some weird fetishes. Are there lonely guys in Brazil now, strutting around their apartments in that underwear, saying: “Yes! I am the drug baron! Snort cocaine off my genitals! Now that I have the magic underwear, I will rule the underworld!!”

2. How are you going to limit the Iranian role in Iraq? It’s impossible. Iraq is majority Shia and Iran is not only the political leader of the Shia world, but also to a large extent its religious leader. And they‘re right next door! It’s like going to Italy and saying, “We gotta get these people to stop listening to the Pope.”

3. Google and Yahoo are going to share advertising space, in a direct attempt to frustrate Microsoft. A Microsoft spokesman said it “would consolidate over 90% of the search advertising market in Google’s hands. This would make the market far less competitive.” (pause) Microsoft complaining about other companies creating a monopoly. Are they trying to make us angry? Are they trying to make people hate them? Is Microsoft getting its people from the Bush White House?

4. Many Clinton and Obama supporters are saying that they would rather support McCain if their candidate loses. Yeah, and Ann Coulter said that she would support Clinton if McCain got the nomination. Do you really think that’s going to happen? Your bluff’s been called.

5. American Airlines cancelled another 900 flights today after they grounded another 300 planes because of safety concerns. But I’d still rather get on one of those planes than ride with my Aunt Betty.