4/26

1. The Grateful Dead have agreed to donate their memorabilia to the University of California at Santa Cruz. You see, they had a bet with the university, that if the total volume of pot smoked at the university ever exceeded the amount smoke by the band, they would give them the memorabilia. If the university wasn’t able to do it before all the band members died, then the university would officially classify the band as the “very grateful dead”.

2. A train just got robbed in France, and the only things the robbers took were a bunch of cushions with Playboy logos. However, it was later learned that the cushions were stuffed with a pubic hair from every woman Hugh Hefner has ever slept with.

3. The government of Germany has apparently been spying on officials from Afghanistan. The U.S. government advised them to explain the whole thing by attacking the press for reporting on the incident.

4. Indonesia is having a massive drill to prepare for an outbreak of bird flu. The drill begins with a foreign man being infected, then trying to keep other infected travelers from leaving the country. Man, sounds like a drill for Bangkok.

5. There have been fights between protesters and police in Japan on the Olympic torch route. One person threw eggs to try and put out the flame. Maybe he was just trying to cook breakfast. And do eggs put out fires? That’s why my girlfriend’s never in the mood during her period.