4/21

1. John McCain said yesterday that there should be no “forgotten places” in America. Which is why he announced a plan to outfit every car with GPS.

2. Barack Obama has accused Hillary Clinton of “say-anything-do-anything” politics. Clinton immediately attacked Obama for attacking her for attacking him. Man, this is all getting complicated.

3. Apparently, the time of the month may affect whether women quit smoking more easily. It’s got nothing to do with menstrual cycles, it’s just that by the end of the month, the money‘s gone and there‘s nothing else to do.

4. Scientists have now developed a bionic eye that puts cameras in the eyes of blind people. A version currently being worked on can also make color prints.

5. China has launched an “education” campaign in Tibet, to teach them that the Dalai Lama should not be supported and that Tibet shouldn’t be free. You know, “education campaigns” in China never include biology. It’s never, “Let’s teach people math!” It’s always, “Let’s teach people to obey!”